i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
