dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
