I want to walk on stilts...naked
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
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