I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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