Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize
