farters have to be the big spoon...
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
