They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Randomize
