Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Randomize
