I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
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