I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
