3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
someone owes me an orgasm
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
