During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Randomize
