Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
