I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
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