things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
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Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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