if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
