Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
i think i have herpe
just one?
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
