I want to stick my p in your. b.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
