i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
