Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
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