; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
