So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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