Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize