One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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