i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
