its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
