EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Randomize
