I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
