Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Randomize
