I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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