Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
