Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
