Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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