i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
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