Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Randomize
