Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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