I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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