It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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