Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Randomize
