i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
