Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Randomize
