I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
