I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Randomize
