I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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