Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
