So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
you mean i was at the winter classic?
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
