But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
