it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
