so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
