What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
