Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
