It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
