I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
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