some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
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