I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
