At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
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