He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
