I could have mohawked her pubes.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
