How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Randomize
