I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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