A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
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