Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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