You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
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He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
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I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Randomize