between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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