is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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