he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
