i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize