I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
