somebody snuck up and got me drunk
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Randomize
