people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
