There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
