Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
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like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
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