How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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