I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
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