a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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