My Higher Power is John Stamos
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Someone signed my nipple.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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