Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
My vagina is very pro this idea
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