Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
We don't watch enough power rangers
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Randomize
