I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I need a burrito and a hug.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
