When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
