I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Randomize
